The Mobile Stationery Store

I can’t grasp the meaning of Nicola Masciandaro’s latest tweet - everything is utterly pointless now.

Do you ever feel like your life is mostly time spent between bacon?

A car outside is blasting Dragostea Din Tei

hahahahahahahHAHAHAHhahahaha

Attempt to continue interneting

Pinkie finger starts freaking out

Calm the fuck down pinkie

It won’t

I’m going to bed

Talking to my mom is like talking to a brick wall

A brick wall that has the magical gift of speech

But doesn’t give a shit what you have to say

Talking to my dad and he said: “English people are easy to get on with, imho,” except he pronounced it like Im-Ho, and then clarified, “honest, not humble.”

Last night I was thinking about the phrase ‘melting pot’

That phrase actually makes no sense tho

because what the fuck is a melting pot

presumably a pot in which you melt things

but what the fuck are you melting

not new stuff

presumably you’re melting down old stuff

like, “this is shit, let’s melt it”

what’s that about

Just saw a sign for a Sheep Shearing Competition, with special guests JEDWARD!

I’m going to miss this country.

You’re not a strawberry sweet, bro, no, shut up -

No because your wrapper is fucking GREEN

And there was already a pink one, it was raspberry

Who decides, when allocating colours to flavours, that raspberry deserves pink more than strawberry

Are these people subtly fighting the system or some shit

I realise that raspberry being matched with blue makes no sense and is overdone, but if my strawberry was green I would not be eating that shit

No sir

OH NO OH GOD

I went to the bathroom across the hall without turning on the hall light because the hall’s not too wide and the bathroom light is bright. So I flicked the light switch and all I heard was this noise like a swarm of flies, like all hell’s turbines coming online and it took me waaaay too long to realise that the bulb must have blown but the fan had still come on, but all I knew was darkness and noise engulfing me and I flicked the switch back and ran and hid in my bedroom but THE FAN’S STILL ON  O.o

I was planning on sleeping…

BUT THEN I OPENED FIREFOX

I haven’t opened it in months, and I only have 65 tabs in it (yes only STFU I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM) but it’s like Happy Birthday to me, it’s like finding a note in the pocket of old clothes -

except the notes are fics, which is better.

Money can’t buy me feels, bro.

I didn’t know my Mac had a screensaver so when I looked over I was all like “WTF random magnified greyscale patterns are you really moving or is that my imagination, what the heck website did I look up to make that happen,” but then, um, yeah, it was the screensaver.

Do you ever see adults and think:

“Wow, they’re just really big babies.”

Because, apparently, I do